Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.

Obviously I'm not a role model for impressionable youth.

Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.

It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.

Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.

Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It's like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.

satan is a christian creation and you can keep him, thank you!

Our memory has no guarantees at all, and yet we bow more often than is objectively justified to the compulsion to believe what it says.

Once you enter the public's eye, you have to be aware that you give up a huge part of your own life.

There are two freedoms - the false, where a man is free to do what he likes; the true, where he is free to do what he ought.

You are not an afterthought, you are not an accident.

Art is a way of showing greater fairness to things than is customary.

One of the lessons I learned in all those years practicing karate is that progress only comes in small incremental portions.

The devil tryna rip out my soul. Lost my soul.

A tourist will come drawn to its beautiful past but we need to put efforts for creating systems to make them stay here.

When it comes to telling children stories, they don’t need simple language. They need beautiful language.