Real feminism is spinsterhood.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

Hate does that. Burns off everything but itself, so whatever your grievance is, your face looks just like your enemy's.

The proper function of the critic is to save the tale from the artist who created it.

Maybe there's more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time.

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?

You went up to be examined with the other Jewish children, your heart heavy about that matter of your nose.

What is that in his hand?" "A cleaver. As in-" "Butcher's knife." "You got it." "I hope not." "He does not look happy." "Are you sure it's a he?" "I don't want to know.

When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking.

What a vile and abject thing is man if he do not raise himself above humanity.

Every man, in his own opinion, forms an exception to the ordinary rules of morality.