Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I willingly allow that money does not guarantee happiness

Because today, I think I'm leaning on the side of wonder.

A man's venom poisons himself more than his victims.

I got my first guitar in October of 1968. I'm self-taught.

I'm working on my music a lot, like folk singing, guitar. It's sort of rocky, folky, alty, angsty. I'm putting a lot of energy into that.

I probably spend 90% of my time revising what I've written.

There are many true ladies, and they differ somewhat from society generally. So does a true gentleman, on the same principle of refinement and nobility of character.

We need two homes, a green one and a brown one, a grown one and a built one, two worlds in tension.

Santa Claus has already been here and everything. Want to see what he brought for you?" "Is it a big present?" "Very big." "With a big red bow on it?

Asking the legal system to resolve divorce is like asking a boxing coach to be our marriage counselor.