Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

We are all fit for better things than we ever do

First health then wealth then pleasure and do not owe anything to anybody.

All things human change.

I was naturally skinny and had braces, so I wasn't a cute model.

By common consent, gray hairs are a crown of glory: the only object of respect that can never excite envy.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

American Dream Is Under Assault. People that haven't been able to find a job in months and this growing sense in this country that this is the new normal, well we can't accept that.

Elvis is everywhere. Elvis is everything. Elvis is everybody. Elvis is still The King.

A man is not moral because he is obedient through fear or ignorance. Morality lives in the realm of perceived obligation.

Do what you love and work for whom you admire the most, and you've given yourself the best chance in life you can.