Reality TV's pretty tricky for me. I don't really watch anything like that, because I think it's brain-sucking.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

I breathe you. I live you. I love you

Love is the color of peace.

To be successfully independent, you must view life as if all of your love ones are dead and the world is against you.

My hair is made of actual fire, you guys.

Handsome is as handsome does

Honor bespeaks worth Confidence begets trust.

I think that audio and video over the internet in the sense of teleconferencing and telephone calls. Maybe we'll actually have picture phone through your work station.

I don't live under the burden of worries. Problems and challenges are there, you can't deny that. But you must challenge the challenges and not let the challenges turn into worries.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

I used to be good friends with my depression, saying oh I'm so depressed, or life is terrible.