Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Nothing has done more damage to the Christian view of life than the hideous notion that those who are truly spiritual have lost all interest in the world and its beauties.

Once time is lost it can never be regained

I think leadership is most effective when it's your own personality. But I feel like it's a natural progression as a quarterback, as well.

A rock star never gets old!

Philanthropy, although it's tiny compared to the government, it's 2% of the US economy, which is the largest percentage, other than the Middle East.

I've probably understood men too well. I realise they are predatory by nature, and I have a certain acceptance of the male animal.

True it is that covetousness is rich, modesty starves.

The thing is, we've changed our style but we've never changed the actual roots of what we've done.

How many chances to you get to make a musical about a serial killer? The minute Tim Burton approached me, I was in.

To understand theory is not enough. Much practice is necessary.