Reasons why members of Congress deserve a pay raise: Many big corporations are cutting back on bribes; nearly half the members have never been indicted.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Attack is only one half of the art of boxing.

Nothing can be so bad as to be displeased with one's self.

Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes.

Stay triumphant, keep on living. Stay on your toes, get off the ropes. Don't let 'em ever count you out.

We must together build an economic agenda for the India of our dreams that translates into improved standards of living, increased human well-being and assured social justice.

English is weak in describing emotional states or intensities of interpersonal relationships.

Time quickly puts an end to artificial and accidental fame

My work may feature brown faces but it could be anybody's story.

For God's sake, keep your eyes open. Notice what's going on around you.