Rectory always sounded to me like a place where you would find a proctologist.

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.

And I was having too much fun to stop now.

you can’t use logic on human behavior.

Our universe is ruled by random whim, inhabited by people who laugh at logic.

A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being. And it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

We have never stopped sin by passing laws; and in the same way, we are not going to take a great moral ideal and achieve it merely by law.

I wonder who's kissing her now, Wonder who's teaching her how.

I don't know anyone who's suffered lung cancer.

Why was it that pride and foolishness were so often close companions?

First we have to believe, and then we believe.

Whenever you are engaged in work that serves humanity and is for the building of humanity, it has dignity and it has worth.

I've always found that the poorer the places that I go, the more smiles I see, and the more happiness I see.

The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.

I spent 10 years as a marketing manager. I've found my experience in the financial world invaluable background for writing about white-collar crimes.