Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Give much, demand little.

The end is the best part of any story

We must realize that the world cannot see and hear the truth neither are they therein sanctified, the world is on its own.

People are, generally speaking, either dead certain or totally indifferent.

Keeping a journal implies hope.

I certainly don't see myself as Caligula.

The sport of volleyball will never give you something that you can't handle; whether you do handle it is another question.

I would have sold my wife and children into slavery for a ride into space.

People look to me to do things for them, to have answers.

The efficiency of God may be understood as either creation or providence.