Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

There are no mighty mountains for the universe, because there are no mountains for the universe, no rivers, no sun and no clouds! There is only universe for the universe, just a single entity!

Follow your heart. Just don't get lost.

Police intentionally murdering a mentally unstable person will always be unacceptable when there are numerous other non-lethal options available to them.

Start a meditation session by repeating a mantra, perhaps, "Aum", which is the most powerful of all mantras. Then, after repeating the mantra perhaps a dozen times, focus on a yantra.

As long as I loved and served Christ I could be anything I wanted to be.

I always wanted the ball in my hands with a game on the line, as I think any real competitor does.

Please be informed, there is a Santa Claus.

The region of the mysterious is rapidly shrinking.

A fool harvests his opinions in the spring.

It is to the middle-class we must look for the safety of England.