Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

‎"Life's book is hard to understand: Why couldst thou not remain atschool?

You'll understand me when you're older. Then you'll see how men can blind you. And I mean blind you. To the point that you're no longer yourself.

It is inevitable that those to whom is vouchsafed a long life of usefulness should outlive the friends of their youth.

I stand by every decision I've made throughout my career and my life, good or bad, up or down.

At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure

True invective requires great imagination.

What inspires me in life? The idea that the work and the rewards and the process is the thing.

The greatest luxury is being able to go to movies and plays now and then in the afternoons.

I am a thorn in the side of designers.

White men have always controlled their wives' wages. Colored men were not able to do so until they themselves became free. Then they owned both their wives and their wages.