Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Heaven is an idea constructed by man to help him cope with the fact that life on earth is both brutally short and, paradoxically, far too long.

I spent the rest of the day in someone else's story. The rare moments that I put the book down, my own pain returned in burning stabs.

So long as there are forces of other countries in a place where they have no right to be, irrespective of our rights." (said this to the countries supporting Pakistan's aggression on Kashmir)

Most men, however brave, have some anxiety or fear in them.

The mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts.

Pick a better verb. Most people use twenty verbs to describe everything from a run in their stocking to the explosion of an A-bomb.

Playing shows and making records keeps been getting easier and more fun.

Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?

I am, at the end of the day, a guy who loves story.

The world is full of mystery but it must not be choked with secrets: we must talk to one another.