Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.

No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.

That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

I have a no-apology policy.

Always and Forever is a Grandmothers love

It is easy to accept a deal, but hard to refuse it.

Journalism, look you, is the religion of modern society.

Ah, mon cher, for anyone who is alone, without God and without a master, the weight of days is dreadful.

I have discovered the secret formula for a carefree old age: iycri = fi (if you can't recall it, forget it).

I think its natural if youre doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure out the real version of the joke.

Ownership and control is important, because if you don't own what you do, all sorts of stupid stuff happens to it, and people spend good money on garbage.

Lowell is my home. It is where I drew my first breath. It is where I will always derive a sense of place and a sense of belonging

You're a dancer; don't strain, don't force it. Be one with the hurdle, let it happen, relax while running fast.

But, yea, I grew up in a strong Baptist background.

There may be some incorrigible human beings who cannot be changed except by God's own mercy to that one person.