Remember, half the people you know are below average.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy.

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.

Confidence is the ultimate beauty.

A smart model is a good model.

The only way I could relax was when I was with my children.

Aslan" said Lucy "you're bigger". "That is because you are older, little one" answered he. "Not because you are?" "I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger".

I urge you to be bold. Life isn't changed from the balcony. Get onto the floor and dance, dance, dance.

I hate death; it takes people away from you. You're left feeling rudderless.

I ran rather than walked, anxious to lose my way. All I wanted was to be unsure.

Islam is a dangerous religion.

Errors flies from mouth to mouth, from pen to pen, and to destroy it takes ages.