Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Rise up oh heart, for there is another battle to win.

Who am I to decide if he is worth my love or not when I can't even...

Everything comes down to attitude: You determine what yours is, and the external world will reflect it back.

People respond well to those that are sure of what they want.

We are not only a Latin American nation, we are an Afro-American nation also.

Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.

Truth was always but the daughter of time.

Marketing yourself to a new person often involves being charismatic, clever and quick-but most jobs and most relationships are about being consistent, persistent and brave.

Insight into the two selves within a man clears up many confusions and contradictions. It was our understanding that preceded our victory.

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock The meat it feeds on.