Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Music

Acts don't mean anything. Acts do not matter--you, your awareness, your being conscious, mindful, is what matters. What you do is not the concern.

We go to poetry, we go to literature in general, to be forwarded within ourselves.

A poet is a man who puts up a ladder to a star and climbs it while playing a violin.

It was not uncommon for the children to be told they were being treated this way because it was their bad karma and they must have hurt a child in a past life.

The most beautiful garden is always the one that we have made it with our own efforts!

It is the creator of fiction's point of view; it is the character who interests him. Sometimes he wants to convince the reader that the story he is telling is as interesting as universal history.

I think one of the things about creativity is not to be afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Don't allow your past or present condition to control you. It's just a process that you're going through to get you to the next level.

I think there is something bigger in store for me.