(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

Ga thought about reminding the Dear Leader that they lived in a land where people had been trained to accept any reality presented to them.

The only way to rise above is to rise above. The only way to respond to wrong is with right. The only way to deal with injustice is to be just.

We admit that we will never reach our ideal in this life, a distinctive the church claims that most other human institutions try to deny.

Over the years I've seen people lose a spouse and then withdraw and lose interest in life, and I believe we need to resist that.

Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.

I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.

When I was a teenager, I had trouble getting a boyfriend, so I imagined Arthur Rimbaud or Bob Dylan as my boyfriend.

For a long time I was trying to be poppier and younger. I didn't want to be on public radio or do any of that stuff for older people. Then I realized that that is exactly what I listen to.

Learning patience takes a lot of patience!

All things are parts of one single system, which is called nature; the individual life is good when it is in harmony with nature.