Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

Social media is the illusion of connectedness without the interconnectedness that makes us thrive.

I don't try to be feminist. I just am. It's innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.

The large majority of the Negroes who have put on the finishing touches of our best colleges are all but worthless in the development of their people.

Once in a rare while, somebody comes along who doesn't just raise the bar, they create an entirely new standard of measurement.

The people who came to New England, came for freedom of religion. The problem is, freedom of religion to them meant freedom for only their religion

If I sit and daydream, the images rush by like a succession of colored slides.

Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.

I'm not the prototype wide receiver. But I like to think I'm one hell of a football player.

The ideally non-violent state will be an ordered anarchy.

It’s quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it.