Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.

You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.

The English are always ready to admire anything so long as they can queue up.

The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

There is enough dough in the world to make bread for us all to eat together.

I know, I know. I rescued him and he’s bonded to me like a baby duck.

Authors, he thought. Even the sane ones are nuts.

His studies were always second to Beatrice. He would've said everything was second to Beatrice but the flowery metaphors and literary devices can only stretch so far and for so many characters.

I'm a Muslim, but I think Jesus would have a drink with me. He would be cool. He would talk to me.

The motion picture is the people's Art.

I'll get laughs in the places I don't want them and that makes me realize the direction I want to go in. I don't mean to get too deep into comedy here.

A man who is an agnostic by inheritance, so that he doesn't remember any time that he wasn't, has almost no hatred for the religious.

I don't know, on a sitcom, and in theatre especially, you have to really be listening to an audience. And if you're losing them, you can hear the sniffs, and the playbills shuffling and whatnot.

Summer runs out the way a centerfielder runs out of real estate - slowly at first, then all at once.