Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Where there is love, things roll.

God’s warriors don’t avoid conflict. They fight through it with communication and a positive outlook.

People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.

Like most so-called debates between liberals and conservatives, they weren’t interested in listening or responding to each other. They were solely concerned with making sound bites.

I feel like developing the muscle of my imagination became a way to survive reality.

I was born a character actor. I was never really a leading man type.

What we call normal may be the psycho-pathology of the average.

I was taught to believe, "If you work hard, you will be successful. If you are not successful, it is because you didn't work hard enough."

For me to love you, Jesus, as you love me, I would have to borrow your own love and then only would I be at rest.

I sit at the piano for a couple of hours and tinker away until I get something. I am a nocturnal spirit, like an owl.