Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Jesus is God's way of refusing to give up his dream for the world.

Music is a whole oasis in my head. The creation process is so personal and fulfilling.

You cannot have man legislating and playing God in Parliament, and at the same time believe that Allah is the only legislator.

Don't live beyond your means. Don't buy more than you can pay for. Don't expect to get rich quick. And don't confuse salesmen for friends or advisers.

This cream will help one's nature strengthen and grow, The diet gives support in my decline.

For my boyhood's friend hath fallen, the pillar of my trust, The true, the wise, the beautiful, is sleeping in the dust.

It is the spirit of the quest which helps

When I start a movie, the first day, I feel like a duck.

True friends are two people who are comfortable sharing silence together.

Humility must accompany all our actions, must be with us everywhere; for as soon as we glory in our good works they are of no further value to our advancement in virtue.