Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.

Everybody sort of questioned why we get married on New Year's Day, and of course, the avid sports fans wouldn't come, because they had to watch the Rose Bowl or whatever that is on that day.

Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!.

You can't create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings.

Being myself didn't work. Being someone else didn't work. Maybe I just wasn't meant to have friends.

A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.

Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican.

Do you know what it's like to be the kind of girl that boys never talk to and then suddenly, a boy talks to you?

Solomon had a good thing going. He asked for wisdom and he got it, riches, and power. I think I'm going to ask for wisdom too.

Forgiveness is not a gift you give someone else, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.

[The Internal Revenue Code is] about 10 times the size of the Bible and, unlike the Bible, contains no good news

The onion tribe is prophylactic and highly invigorating, and even more necessary to cookery than parsley itself.

Culture itself is neither education nor law-making: it is an atmosphere and a heritage.

The adventure of the sun is the great natural drama by which we live, and not to have joy in it and awe of it, not to share in it, is to close a dull door on nature's sustaining and poetic spirit.

Who will save your soul, if you won’t save your own?

There are times when I think I can sing it better, but usually I find that I can't.

What happens outwardly in your life is not as important as what happens inside you. Your circumstances are temporary, but your character will last forever.

In our creation, God asked a question and in our truly living; God answers the question.