Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Thank God I am not God! Thank God I am not God!

In this hospitable world it is much harder to be unsuccessful than successful.

On the occasion of yoga day, I want to offer you the simplest form of yoga: Namaskar - Yoga for all.

People don't know exactly what I do they just know I'm 'cool.'

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes, this makes planning the day difficult.

I love intricate plotting and exciting twists, but I realize more that people enjoy a good story in a simple, focused way.

Every ear is tickled with the sweet music of applause.

Illusion throughout is illusion. There is no end to it, just as there is no end to imagination.

The soul answers never by words, but by the thing itself that is inquired after.