Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

If a thing which is believed by billions is against the reason and not supported by the science, it is a great honour not to be amongst those billions!

Boat.Toby.1pm.Shit!

Who builds a church to God and not to fame, Will never mark the marble with his name.

You have now reached infatuation’s final destination—the complete and merciless devaluation of self.

I eat a lot of junk food, because that's what's usually available at 1:00am when I'm all done working.

Be persistent. Editors change; tastes change; editorial markets change. Too many beginning writers give up too easily.

None of us are entirely well, and none of us are irrecoverably sick.

I look at tennis as a bit of a platform to hopefully touch lives and encourage people.

Loneliness and the feeling that you're no use to anyone - the worst kind of poverty.

The soul needs attention like the body needs to breath.