Russia's Vladimir Putin appeared in public for the first time after a mysterious 10-day absence. Putin said it took him that long to recover from the finale of 'The Bachelor.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Understanding comes hard to persons of high rank who are accustomed to phony lifestyles that involve no daily work.

The barren branches may appear inelegant: They are, to the cook, the means to make his fire.

For how long would I be trapped in the condition of melancholy without going insane?

Lies sound like facts to those who've been conditioned to mis-recognize the truth.

I have so much respect for [Bernie Ecclestone] for what he did with this sport. He did so much more than people in tennis or football.

How can I, who was not able to retain my own past, hope to save that of another?

I still like to play games that have a beginning, an end and a story.

Starting out in a beginner class and really understanding the fundamentals of yoga is really important.

I'm bored by films that revolve around a trick. I kind of know if a film is right for me; all the most important decisions are made intuitively.

Money, it has been said, is the cause of good things to a good man, of evil things to a bad man.