Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan.

Let's not overlook, though, what we do know about the campaign finance scandal, and the fact the Chinese were involved in our presidential campaign and our congressional campaigns.

After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.

Sometimes you have to, as I say, build bridges where you can - but draw lines where you must.

Study: 60% of young Americans plan to buy firearms. The other 40% were confused, saying they thought they were free under Obamacare.

The University of North Carolina-Greensboro has ordered a Christian club to allow non-Christians as leaders. While we're at it, let's put high school dropouts in charge of the University.

A [person] who Never quits is never defeated.

A new report shows that medicare and Medicaid made more than $50 Billion in bad payments during fiscal year 2011. Under Obamacare, that'll become known as 'Tuesday.'

You can't substitute promise after promise with known violators of prior promises at the expense of protecting ourselves or setting an example.

Global warming experts are saying that sea levels could rise 20 feet. Apparently their strategy for surviving this is to stand on top of a pile of government research grant money.

The problem is that agencies sometimes lose sight of common sense as they create regulations.

Being your authentic self reassures the people you meet.

A man is as free as he chooses to make himself, never an atom freer.

There is no small act of kindness.Every compassionate act makes large the world.

But, I still can't totally forgive Dave for blowing my world apart. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DAVE?!

I want to thank my fans for their support and love all these years, thank you Miami. Thank you Latin America. Thank you Mexico. Thank you world !

Growth is improving the lot of the poor in many countries, reducing poverty by half since 1981. Freer trade could accelerate progress.

Now in a way, money is money, and if it's going to increase our audience, that's fine.

The circulation of commodities is the original precondition of the circulation of money.

Sand-strewn caverns, cool and deep, Where the winds are all asleep; Where the spent lights quiver and gleam; Where the salt weed sways in the stream.

I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say, I want to do jokes on Donald Trump so badly, and I have no venue. So right now, I'm just dry Trumping.