[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

The thing about memories wasn't that many of them inevitably faded, but that repeated recall of the ones you remembered burnished them into shining, gorgeous lies.

I wouldn't want to do an average fashion line. I'd want it to be an amazing piece of art.

Facts and credibility only support persuasion.

I express myself through clothes, but clothes don't define me.

No king nor nation one moment can retard the appointed hour.

Alone-in moments of prayer or meditation, or simply in stillness-we breathe more deeply, see more fully, hear more keenly. We notice more, and in the process, we return to what is sacred.

You are still despised and mocked, A man too weak and infirm to be God, A God too much man to call forth adoration.

It is not the easy or convenient life for which I search, but life lived to the edge of all that I may be.

In even the happiest love story, the World wins at last.

If you really want to end income inequality, I've got the way to fix it. People who don't work shouldn't get any income.