STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

When a faith stubbornly maintained comes into contact with learning, the product of that encounter is always something magnificent, whether it be for good or ill.

Conclude that your are worth achieving beyond your expectations

The most thought-provoking thing in our thought-provoking time is that we are still not thinking.

I take a massage each week. This isn't an indulgence, it's an investment in your full creative expression/productivity/passion and sustained good health.

Once a pumpkin, Always a pumpkin.

I call myself the assistant cult leader.

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

It's fine," I repeated. And whatever. It was fine. It had to be.

I just want to be warm. Just once let me be warm. Is there no star capable of sharing its fire with me? (Zarek)