Salad bars are like a restaurant's lungs. They soak up the impurities and bacteria in the environment, leaving you with much cleaner air to enjoy.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

Every day you and I walk through God's shop. Every day we brush up against objects of incalculable worth to Him. People. Every one of them carries a price tag, if only we could see it.

There are no negatives in life, only challenges to overcome that will make you stronger.

All that non-fiction can do is answer questions. It's fiction's business to ask them.

I'm not really an impersonator.

Obama is defining himself in a way that will destroy him.

You were at the age where you could fall in love with a girl over an expression, over a gesture

Rekindled love is generally short-term.

Writing for a newspaper is like running a revolutionary war. You go to battle not when you are ready, but when action offers itself.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

Being in public with May and the children was too heavy. I was irreversibly tuned in to everyone around us.