Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

Iowa's the worst. Iowa's just nothing, just flat as far as you can see. It's the only state in the country where you can stand on your front porch and actually watch your dog run away for three days.

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.

The obstacle in spritual growth is not ignorance of self, it is the illusion of self.

In this current generation, the church is not prospering in its mandate to extend kingdom principles throughout culture

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero.

I've always been famous, it's just no one knew it yet.

A lot of people live in a property that will one day be part of their pension, and that is true for me too. I have an investment I can sell with ease.

Sometimes there's a disjoint between what works on the page and what works with visual story telling.

The working class will not halt until socialism has been realized.

All that matters is to help the team.

If you have too many problems, maybe you should get out of business. There is no law that says a company must last forever.

You should not buy a stock because it's cheap but because you know a lot about it.