Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

People are afraid of failure - they don't like to work so hard and have people keep saying, 'No.' I think that's what people fear most.

The way we subsidize food makes it cheaper to go to McDonald's and get a hamburger than a salad, and that's insane. It's pure government policy.

Security lies in our ability to produce.

You know, as a writer, I'm more of a listener than a writer, cuz if I hear something I will write it down.

The public needs the equivalent of Chevrolets as well as Cadillacs.

My whole career has been fulfilling my childhood fantasies, playing characters that are larger than life, getting to play a knight, an elf, a prince, and a soldier.

When things aren't going right, don't push, don't press.

Wrestling seemed like something I might be good at, so I stuck with it and gave it a shot. I ended up in a pretty good place. I was very fortunate.

Don't waste your sufferings.

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.