Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Moments, when lost, can't be found again. They're just gone.

Find your gift, the thing you were created for, the thing that inspires you and the thing you are fond of doing, and the thing you are doing better than others

Rise from the ashes and become the phoenix. Let your glory and wisdom keep blazing on forever. This is your chance. This is your time. Remake your life into something truly spectacular.

Time makes everything mean and shabby and wrinkled. The tragedy of life, Howard, is not that the beautiful things die young, but that they grow old and mean.

Drugs will have a huge effect on my work for the rest of my life, whether I'm using or not.

I write my own songs, and I only see their flaws.

Random numbers should not be generated with a method chosen at random

In blissful dream, in silent night, There came to me, with magic might, With magic might, my own sweet love, Into my little room above.

I cannot experience your experience. You cannot experience my experience. We are both invisible men.

I would love to play a nun. I used to want to be one when I was a kid.