Satan is a tool of God's love in the sense that he forces us to see God's loving patience.

I have a zero tolerance for sanctimonious morons who try to scare people.

The founding document of the United States of America acknowledges the Lordship of Jesus Christ because we are a Christian nation.

It seems to me the Washington Monument is a symbol of America’s power. It has been the symbol of our great nation, we look at that monument and we say this is one nation under God.

There are demons and there are evil people in the world, and you post a picture like that and some cultist gets a hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child.

Is there in all the history of human folly a greater fool than a clergymen in politics?

I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss.

Homosexuals want to come into churches and disrupt church services and throw blood all around and try to give people AIDS and spit in the face of ministers.

You might get AIDS in Kenya, people have AIDS, you’ve got to be careful. I mean, the towels could have AIDS.

Like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.

Homosexuals are like Judas: They look good in a robe, and their kisses are legendary.

We Can Win If We Want to, 160 Single Released ….190 more to go

Thanksgiving creates abundance.

If I had foreseen Hiroshima and Nagasaki, I would have torn up my formula in 1905.

My entire life has been spent thinking about this game. That's pretty narrow... I don't view myself as a person who's well-versed in very many subjects. I'm not proud of that.

No cause has he to say his doom is harsh, who's made the master of his destiny.

Until we lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves.

You can't write good satirical fiction in America because reality will quickly outdo anything you might invent.

I think [food producers] should appreciate that we're only targeting their property. Because frankly I think it's time to start targeting them.

I can't claim to feel like I've been under some man's thumb in comedy. I've sort of always done my own thing for better or worse, and have been lucky enough to be able to perform ever since.

For I can raise no money by vile means. By heaven, I had rather coin my heart, And drop my blood for drachmas