Satire of satire tends to be self-canceling, and deliberate shock tactics soon lose their ability to shock, especially when they're too deliberate.

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything.

I hope I go to Heaven, and when I do, I'm going to do what every San Franciscan does when he gets there. He looks around and says, 'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'

I sometimes worry about my short attention span, but not for long.

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

A city is not gauged by its length and width, but by the broadness of its vision and the height of its dreams.

San Franciscans have a bond of self-satisfaction bordering on smugness.

It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good attorney.

There are a thousand viewpoints in the viewtiful city.

Kindness is the best prayer.

One thing I've learned is that in the midst of your darkest moments of tribulation, there is no such thing as mass friends.

The American essayist William Deresiewicz wrote that "no real excellence, personal or social, artistic, philosophical, scientific, or moral, can arise without solitude.

Happiness has got to be paid for. You're paying for it, Mr. Watson–paying because you happen to be too much interested in beauty. I was too much interested in truth; I paid too.

I think it's awesome to be able to make people laugh.

College is great. It's the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents... and bounce it.

Mutual, respectful, enduring love is completely attainable as long as you swear you won't settle for less.

Death was just the beginning of a journey that everyone took at some point.

The boy had the towering arrogance only seen in the greatest of artists and all nine-year-old boys.

Let me give you some advice: make friends with a millionaire when he's a friendless sixth-grader.