Saturday Night Live' was like a university for funny.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

I see knowledge of self. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

My father said: "If you want to catch your girl cheating, you knock on the front door and run to the back, because he's coming out the back."

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

Wisdom is not in intelligence but in simplicity.

You must have a level of discontent to feel the urge to want to grow.

Duke to Michel: I’m fairly certain that even ifyou’d struggle in a quiz against a pigeon, you are capable enough of opening doors.

There is wishful thinking in Hell as well as on Earth.

Nothing could be more reckless than to base one's moral philosophy on the latest pronouncements of science.

I lose my temper, but it's all over in a minute," said the student. "So is the hydrogen bomb," I replied. "But think of the damage it produces!

The wise speak only of what they know

That was the first time I've drawn anything for seven years. I feel like I had been held underwater, and someone finally reached down and pulled my head up so I could breathe.

True justice is to pay one time for every mistake we make.

The world's strongest animals are plant eaters. Gorillas, Buffaloes, Elephants and me.