Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

There is only one room that the Devil can't dare enter in unless if you let him, and that, is your heart.

Working for a company must help individuals achieve their dreams and goals more efficiently and effectively than they could achieve them elsewhere.

There should be fireworks at last, when a dream dies.

Why didn't they ask the Evans?

Breathing is medicine. I forgot how to breathe, but I’m learning all over again.

From the gut comes the strut, and where hunger reigns, strength abstains.

I've worked in pubs for years and you get people challenging you. Challenging your masculinity.

I will defend anyone as long as the client gives me total control of the case and pays up front.

For it is easier to shout 'Stop', than to do it

The sentence must also contain its own apology for being spoken.