Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

...this is how politics is played. With fakery and false smiles and butcher knives to the back.

Knowledge is not gained, it is there all the time. It is the "veils" which have to be dissolved in the mind.

Don't lose faith in humanity: think of all the people in the United States who have never played you a single nasty trick.

[David Boreanaz]'s got a very, very cute little giggle.

Life is neither to be wept over nor to be laughed at but to be understood.

once a kittypet always a kittypet." -longtail

we are nothing more than the sum of our memories and experiences

Maybe she was drunk - the woman never could drink. One little sniff of tequila and she was off into some blonde la-la land.

All art is immortal. For emotion for the sake of emotion is the aim of art, and emotion for the sake of action is the aim of life.

I'm very much afraid of being mad - that's my one fear.