School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

You're never going to walk around fear. You're only going to walk through it. I have to do all those things I am afraid of, but I do them constantly renewing my mind.

It is practical, but that doesn't mean it's right.

Success has killed more men than bullets.

Caresses, expressions of one sort or another, are necessary to the life of the affections as leaves are to the life of a tree. If they are wholly restrained, love will die at the roots.

Certainly the worker has nothing to lose by a change from government and capitalism to a condition of no government, of anarchy.

Ah, Lord Jesus! I never knew Your love till I understood the meaning of Your death.

It is curious how often erroneous theories have had a beneficial effect for particular branches of science.

I never force myself to be devout except when I feel so inspired, and never compose hymns of prayers unless I feel within me real and true devotion.

Did you ever meet a mother that complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.