Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

FRANCISCUS: How sweetly she looks! Oh, but there's a wrinkle in her brow as deep as philosophy.

. . .in your light, had I learned to love, here in your beauty, could I speakknowing of this space close withinas the breath held inside a garden rose, there— there is no time.

In all emotional conflicts, the thing you find the most difficult to do, is the thing that you should do."--Meyer's Law

A diligent hawker today, can be a great tycoon tomorrow

life is unfair, if you are weak, your out

We need a bold, new, positive vision for the future of our country.

I think [Anderson Cooper ] and me both enjoy working, and don't consider it "work," so as long as I'm having fun I will continue at this pace.

I'll always consider myself a Southerner. A lot of people put California down, but my dreams were realized there.

All bad jazz sounds like Woody Woodpecker.

there are other senses -­ secret senses, sixth senses, if you will -­ equally vital, but unrecognized, and unlauded.