Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Maybe to have a memory you need time for reflection, however brief, just to let the memory find a place to settle.

Things wrote with labor deserve to be so read and will last their age.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

It's a sad fact of modern life that if you drive long enough, sooner or later you must leave London behind.

Education will not come of itself; it will never come unless you seek it; it will not come unless you take the first steps which lead to it; but, taking these steps, every man can acquire it.

Always, always ask for what you want. Because the Universe might surprise you — and give it to you.

Alzheimer's disease is death before death, and I'm terrified of it.

My parents were divorced and I didn't grow up with my father, but I spent a lot of time around him, and his influence on me has been profound.

Growing older is mainly an ordeal of the imagination-a moral disease, a social pathology.

When it becomes necessary to do a thing, the whole heart and soul should go into the measure, or not attempt it.