Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.

From time immemorial History has decreed that territory on this Planet Earth belongs to those powerful enough to take it and determined enough to keep it.

God always gave us light in our doubts, when we had no other design but to please Him.

The public has always expected me to be a playboy, and a decent chap never lets his public down.

Close your eyes, all you see is yours.

I would like to live to a ripe old age and raise watermelons in Wyoming.

I want to be happy; why do I do things that make me unhappy?

I was born with music inside me. That's the only explanation I know of

I'm not starting any fights. I might finish one though.

I know he was desperate. That makes people do all kinds of crazy things.