Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Kita selalu jumpa orang baik-baik sewaktu mengembara, bukan sebab nasib kita baik. Tapi sebab Tuhan kasihan.

To my editors, I graciously thank you. I now know “is” and “was” aren't the same thing. It's the periods and commas that got me. Can't see the darn things.

You protect your being when you love yourself better. That's the secret.

Love is heaven and fear is hell. Where you place your attention is where you live.

Many heroic exploits and chivalrous adventures are related to me which exist only in the regions of fancy. With me the world has taken great liberties, and yet I have been but a common man.

Knowledge is the acquiring of facts, understanding is the interpreting of facts, wisdom the application.

Trifling favors are readily acknowledged, though cheaply esteemed; but important ones are most rarely remembered.

I haven't gone to college yet and I intend to in a few years.

Thou hast created us for Thyself, and our heart is not quiet until it rests in Thee.

I never want to be playing the same thing, even season to season.