Sermons are like pie-crust, the shorter the better.

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.

Patience is the analogue of God's serenity.

Some folks never handle the truth without scratching it.

If you sit by the wayside waiting for Success, your knees will be too stiff to follow her when she passes.

Love is a boomerang that returns to the thrower's hand.

The bigger the dam of patience, the worse the flood when the dam breaks.

We use religion like a trolley-car--we ride on it only while it is going our way.

Reason clears and plants the wilderness of the imagination to harvest the wheat of art.

Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or homely faces.

A home-made friend wears longer than one you buy in the market.

What does the world teach you? It teaches you (to do) egoism. Then, from that egoism, arise many many phases!

I’m a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it.

The problem is that young people are less likely to vote than older people. What results is a situation in which sometimes the elections don't fully reflect the views of the American population.

God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.

Undoubtedly, philosophers are in the right when they tell us that nothing is great or little otherwise than by comparison.

That's what Zombieland is: frozen, calm, quiet.

It would be amazing if people listened to it when they needed shelter; it would be lovely if they didn't spit on it.

The child who concentrates is immensely happy

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don't like that.

I'm feeling like Billy the Kidd, skinny B.I.G. You literally live like a guinea pig