Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

We’re starting to behave as if we’ve reached the end of human knowledge. And while that notion is undoubtedly false, the sensation of certitude it generates is paralyzing.

There are but a few blood purifiers and these are all in the body. We know them as the liver, kidneys, lungs, colon, and a few glands.

Dad is a really surprising guy. Every time I think he's going to be useless, he ends up doing something amazing and saying exactly the right thing.

I embody EVERYTHING from the Godly to the party.

The success of I Love Lucy is something that happens only once in a lifetime, if you are fortunate enough to have it happen at all.

I think i always had a perfectly clear view of what was possible for the public. "Give'em what they never knew they wanted".

I love you too, sweet sister. But you're a fool. A beautiful golden fool.

A fundamental premise of politics is we can make this work if people just never figure it out.

Quelque rigueur qui loge en votre coeur, Amour s'en peut un jour rendre vainqueur. That little harshness which resides in your heart, Love will vanquish someday.

Gold has no increasing value. And if you're really worried about, say, inflation rising, I would buy Spam. You know, you can eat Spam. You cannot eat gold.