Shared joys make a friend, not shared sufferings.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

There is always madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.

There are two different types of people in the world, those who want to know, and those who want to believe.

I was in darkness, but I took three steps and found myself in paradise. The first step was a good thought, the second, a good word; and the third, a good deed.

There will always be rocks in the road ahead of us. They will be stumbling blocks or stepping stones; it all depends on how you use them.

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.

I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.

Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.

You are likely the greatest obstacle to achieving your own dreams.

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

I never have actually had a girl who's made me laugh before.

We're supposed to have guns. It says so in the Bible; and the second greatest book ever written, the Texas State Constitution.

We are all shot through with enough motives to make a massacre, any day of the week that we want to give them their head.

Art is a ripening, an evolution, an uplifting which enables us to emerge from darkness into a blaze of light.

In reality there is no such thing as an inflation of prices, relatively to gold. There is such a thing as a depreciated paper currency.

You should be home sleeping. What is the use of having a man in the house, if he cannot take care of you for a while?” “Mmm,” I said. “I give up. What's the use of having a man in the house?

Don’t misuse the pencil and don’t torment the paper.