She gave me a hug and for a second I was embraced by a body that makes me want to go home and never eat again.

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Accidents happen all the time.

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.

There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of un-hatched chicks.

Whatever is true about your heart will show up in your actions.

Who ne'er knew joy but friendship might divide,Or gave his father grief but when he died.

I think that if you keep your eyes and your ears open and you are receptive to learning, there are skills you can get from any job at all.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

I feel like blue jeans are kind of too 'country' for me.

Mankind has a free will; but it is free to milk cows and to build houses, nothing more.

It holds no fear for her now, because the shark has been tamed by the soul of a boy. No--the soul of a man.

If I were in the Beatles, I'd be a good George Harrison.

You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end.