She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

It wasn’t worth it, but at the time it was. And that’s all that mattered.

The 'kingdom of Heaven' is a condition of the heart - not something that comes 'upon the earth' or 'after death.'

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth; I came from really humble beginnings - the projects of New York City - and I worked my way to get to where I am.

Let's go to the food court and try some food.

I remember Mr. Mayer very well. He sort of liked to be the father - no, he liked to be treated like you thought he was Daddy, but he didn't treat you like Daddy at all.

I will engage in no transaction which does not benefit all whom it affects

At 27, it's great to get to a place where I'm not an actor for hire anymore.

Living with the immediacy of death helps you sort out your priorities in life. It helps you to live a less trivial life.

It's pretty obvious, isn't it? I'm joining your crappy little renegade pack. The vampires' guard dogs.

You should live fully and with enthusiasm, the commands of your faith, but it is not the role of the public servant to mandate that for everybody else.