She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

But death was her curse and her gift, and death had been her good friend these long, long years.

A smile is what makes a face beautiful.

Who you are

You should *have* an experience

Of course I believe in love despite four divorces. There is nobody who doesn't believe in love. But marriage - that fits some people but obviously not me.

Twitter is really a hyper-distilled version of how the internet should work - short bursts of relatively useful information.

First something is a great idea, then it becomes a cause, then it becomes a business and finally it becomes a racket.

I always have a story in my head that needs to be written, or at least I think I do. But I usually can't find the time to write it.

I was like, oh, I want to sign up for "Catwoman," and then Anne Hathaway had already signed up for it.

The tragedy of today is that the situation is desperate but the saints are not.