She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

If you want your life to be a five-star reality, you have to stop settling for a fast food mentality!

A system of limitless individual choices, with respect to communications, is not necessarily in the interest of citizenship and self-government.

What we will not wait for is that particular nexus of terrorism, weapons of mass destruction that is extremism, and the technology to come together in a way that is harmful to the United States.

Does not a misplaced optimism exist, common to all mankind, leading on to false conviction that social engagements, if dated sufficiently far ahead, will never really materialize?

The highest treason, the meanest treason, is to deny the holiness of this little blue planet on which we journey through the cold void of space.

If you do well as an actor, a good director will pick up on it, and keep it in the film.

I guess, we were people who just dedicated to trying to get better.

Everything should be at once surprising and inevitable.

Surely it's time for climate-change deniers to have their opinions forcibly tattooed on their bodies.

I have long been convinced that my artistic ideal stands or falls with Germany. Only the Germany that we love and desire can help us achieve that ideal.