Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

It's fine, but don't ask me to strip again or I'm going to wonder what your intentions really are.

His smile was sexy and warned of trouble, but I'd made up my mind that not all trouble was bad.

Distance is temporary, but our love is permanent. This may be the last time I see you, but if you keep me in your heart, together we shall be eternal; if you believe, we shall never part.

Once you've experienced the warmth of an audience, the achievement of getting your first laugh, and entertaining them, singing or playing piano, it just keeps it all going.

Daylight is too easy. What I want is difficult - the atmosphere of lamps and moonlight.

The trouble about most Englishwomen is that they will dress as if they had been a mouse in a previous incarnation, or hope to be one in the next.

Man is completely out of phase with nature. Nature is woman. Man is the intruder. The man who re-attunes himself with nature is the man who de-mans himself or eliminates himself as man.

Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?

Don't bite off your head to spite your nose.

Sometimes, the hardest thing was doing nothing.